One of my close friends is studying in Washington DC. Unfortunately, the only way of connection is Skype. When I called her last Friday, she was very sad. We told me that she had problems with her classes. I carefully listen to her to understand her problems and feelings and didn't disturb her. I only asked questions like What is the most difficult part?, What are the possible ways to solve the problem? or What did her professor/ adviser said? Answering these questions, she found the solutions by herself. She was so relieved and confident after the conversation. I was really happy for her.
I learned from this situation that sometimes you just need to listen to a person to help him or her to solve a problem. It is important to show your interest. Don't disturb, only ask questions about the problem.
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Your way of gradually leading your friend to the answer is really great! My creative writing teacher used to use the same method on her students. People who have a problem are not always totally clueless. However, they may need a sounding board (just someone to emotionally "brainstorm" with) or just someone to remind them of a few things and steer them in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteNot only were you exercising your emotional intelligence, you were exercising your listening skills to help your friend solve her problem. Nicely done!
This method of listening and responding is, I believe, a method that was commonly used by Socrates. Rather than directly answering a question, Socrates often responded with his own question, and by answering this question, the asker would actually discover the answer to his own original problem. This method, however, probably would not have been so effective if you hadn't recognized that she was upset. By recognizing that, you most likely chose to respond with a calming tone, a clear sign of emotional intelligence.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! You helped your friend fix her problems, herself just by asking questions. I think your method is pretty efficient. I use this method in my everyday life. If I have a problem and not able to think of an easy solution I start asking myself questions that eventually help me solve my problem. But I think that one needs to be careful while using this method with other people because it might be possible that the other person doesn't want you to ask questions, rather just listen to him/her patiently and finally just agree to their viewpoint.
ReplyDeleteA lot of time people have the solution to their problems but just need to talk them out. You did a good job helping your friend do that and recognizing that is what she needed.
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